I believe in Kindness.
I believe in Compassion.
I believe in Education.
I believe in Tolerance.
I believe in Understanding.
I believe in Family.
I believe in My Son.
I believe in My Marriage.
I believe that many people have the same beliefs that I do yet I am still disheartened and confused. There are people who say they believe in kindness and compassion but are:
Unable to show Kindness.
Unable to show any Compassion for others.
Unable to believe in Education and Life Long Learning.
Unable to show Tolerance for anyone who is different or struggling.
Unable to show they Understand or have any Empathy for you or your family.
Unable be with their Family because of a difference in beliefs.
Unable to cherish moments with their Children.
Unable to appreciate and support Their Loved Ones.
It has been an unusually hard week of Deep Thoughts. (And not the ones provided by John Handy). With the death of Tim, I have been struggling to find positive moments in my classes and in society. I was beginning to think that maybe I had officially become one of those "Burnt Out" teachers that needs to leave the profession.
Tim's funeral was hard and confusing. I left the service not feeling better about Tim and his life but, instead, feeling lost and confused about how we care for each other. I guess it is difficult to find people who have strength and integrity in the face of sickness but Tim lived with courage and kindness to all. The fact that there was a large collection of family and friends there to share in his life was proof. He touched many with his devotion to his faith, his determination to beat Cancer, and his dedication to raise funds and awareness for children with Cancer. Then why the negativity that surrounded his funeral...?
Our school held our Terry Fox Run only days after Tim had died. I was already in a difficult place with his loss but it was amplified by the lack of Empathy from our students for Terry Fox and his fight. Please keep in mind that it was a small section of students and that I do realize that I am painting a lot of students with one paint brush but, it was easier to see the negativity than the good at the moment. First, very few of my students turned up to class simply because they did not want to participate in the Terry Fox Run/Walk. That made me sad. Then, as students were coming into the classroom I would ask them for donations. We had tried to collect a "Toonie" from each student in the school for Terry Fox. I didn't think a "Toonie" was too much to ask but I was hoping to just collect some spare change from these older kids. It was difficult as a couple of students would walk in with entitlement, attitude and absolutely no possibility of giving any change to the cause. I was emotional. "So, we have a former student who spent the last 8 years fighting Cancer and raising money and you can't get the change out of your car to donate?" May not have been the best thing to say but I was upset and they knew it as my eyes started to fill with tears.
In my one English class, we are studying "Lord of the Flies". We were having a discussion about some of the themes and motifs from the novel. I was talking about how William Golding was turning his back on the idea that we are all inherently good, by writing a novel about how we are actually inherently evil when given the right circumstances.
One student put up her hand: "Mrs. Carriere, Do you think we are inherently good or evil?"
"Oh, such a touchy subject for me this week." Given with a sigh and a slight smile.
I went on to talk about how disheartened I was in today's youth with the Terry Fox Run, the bullying that is happening around the world and complete lack of respect for their own education. (I know, I said heavy thoughts all week) I went on to explain that I knew I was overgeneralizing their culture but that it was a difficult week when all I could see was the negativity in the faces of Adolescents today. I pointed out that the jar on my desk which is supposed to collecting "Pennies for Peace" has been only filled by me and my spare change and that I am constantly fighting with students to care about their education and to take pride in what they are doing in classes. I know, I Know, ...I was young once too. But, I am pretty sure that I cared about school and that I would feel for the suffering of others. Now, there is a very large population of students at our school that showcase their compassion every day. We have a very successful "Students for Change" group, a strong "Leadership" class and overall, a really positive school environment. As I said, it was just a hard week to focus on the "Good".
Even Pop Culture seemed to searching with "Glee's" latest episode on Religion. I cried through the episode feeling the hurt that Kurt would have gone through because of a lack of understanding and tolerance with his sexuality. This got me thinking about all of those kids that still struggle with bullying and that horrible period of "Storm and Stress" that adolescents go through in searching for who they are and what they will believe in the future. Can we stop Bullying? Will there always be those students who need to bully others to find out who they are?
I have learned that I have an amazing husband who loves me unconditionally, a son that I cherish every day, a group of family and friends that are compassionate and also love me unconditionally and, there are a lot of students who care about others and themselves. Through my art work (pictured above) and many conversations over the past week, I am back in a better place and I am not the "Burnt Out" teacher that needs to leave. (At least not yet...)
If you have been able to make it through this incredibly long post, I apologize; It seems that I have been able to put the week's worth of missed blog entries into one long post. I will leave you with one of my favorites quotes from this last week:
"Mrs. Carriere, I know that a lot of students hate you. But, I am really glad that I am in your class and that there are people like you around. " (ummmm, thanks?)
And now let the creativity process begin....ummm.....yeah......
It has been a long time since I have been this excited about something. I came across this website: www.arthousecoop.com and found this art project. I am anxiously awaiting my sketchbook and already brainstorming my ideas for the "Trade Forever" theme.
I remember in an earlier post that I was going to try and balance work and family and health...well, as you have probably noticed, by lack of blogging, I am not doing too well. The school year starts and the chaos ensues. I am back to getting up around 5:30 am so that I can get to work without traffic jams and the possibility of getting school work done before school actually starts at 9:00am. I have a real problem with doing school work at home in the evenings, for me this is family time. Dinner with the family, bath time for Maks, then story time, then bed time and then...I am exhausted. So, a little yoga and I, myself, make my way to bed. Repeat this Monday to Friday and you have my life in a nutshell. I have found recently that I can not even listen to the radio when driving home because it irritates me. I think my mind is so busy during the school day that any kind of noise is just too much by 4:00pm. I am lucky enough to have the opportunity to do free Yoga lessons twice a week and I am enjoying the coaching this year but I did have to give up some favorites as well. With our struggle to have another baby, I am trying to reduce stress wherever possible and provide myself with much needed rest as much as possible. This year I had to turn down my dad and family for bowling. Although I enjoy bowling, it is just too late of a day for me and I just didn't want to give up my limited time with Maks. I miss being able to be with him during the day and just feel like I am missing out while he grows up just way too fast. Thankfully, I have an extremely supportive family with a friend network that is beyond anything I could ever ask for.
After having our amazing Librarian find this speech for me, I am going to teach it to my English 30-2 class. It is poignant and needs to read by everyone. When we study the speech I will be teaching rhetorical devices and speech writing but I will also be emphasizing the importance of his words and the importance of our human condition.
This past summer, Lawrence sent me a link to a really cool website.
We have accomplished one of our many goals....a garden. With some help, Lawrence and Dad built the garden plot, my mom and son planted the seeds, and I well,....I have watered it a couple of times and pick the excellent vegetables from the ground to use. It has been great to pick fresh lettuce, peas, carrots and potatoes. Actually, the potatoes are for Lawrence's sister Colette, we are not big potato eaters in this family. I am excited to have the garden and proud that we have been able to keep it alive and thriving. If you have seen our house and our yards, you would quickly notice that we do not have "Green Thumbs" around here. So, the garden success is a big deal to me. We will definitely be planting another garden next year. Bring on the strawberries next year. (Another expert photo taken by my husband)
Yes, it was very chilly and wet, but we had a great day at the Zoo. My beautiful niece Shelby, Maks' Girlfriend McKenzie and Maks in an artistic photo taken by my husband.
For the past three summers we have been meeting up with my friend Charlene and her family at Lake Newell. This was a great camping trip and Maks loved the Lake. He was always excited to go swimming and spent a lot of his time skipping rocks (which is more like just throwing rocks in the Lake for Maks) but he loved it. We borrowed my parents tent and Maks was really excited about sleeping in the tent, although there was not a lot of sleeping that happened. Maks is a real "home body" and does not sleep well anywhere but at home. But, for a little boy who loves to be outside, camping this summer turned out to be an excellent idea. My friend Charlene took some pictures and so did Lawrence so hopefully I will post more pictures of camping fun.
